Wednesday, September 1, 2010

My Unhealthy Relationship with Google

I have a relationship with Google. Some might say it's "unhealthy" or that it's "unnatural" but I don't feel the need to label my relationship with Google. Google is a wonderful search engine, as many of you know, and in so many ways, I consider it to be unlimited. Unfortunately, Google does have its limits and when I find it does, it's very distressing. To list a few...

1) Google can't help me find my keys. At least once or twice a week, I misplace the key to my car and my first thought is, "I'll google it!" But of course, Google won't have an answer for me. It can tell me how to find my keys with key alarms, once I've found my keys of course. And then I have to keep track of a key alarm. What makes them think we can keep track of those if we can't keep track of the keys? I digress...Anyway, Google can't help me find my keys.

2) Google can't tell me where my Mozambique DVD is. I think of this all the time and I want to Google where it's at, but it can't tell me. Very disappointing.

3) Google can't tell me why my dog sleeps like this:

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4) Google can't tell me why, when she wakes up, she will sneeze 20 times then promptly return to her slumber.

5) Google can't tell me if there is anything good in my fridge. I can, however, tell Google that, no, there is nothing good in my fridge. I'm the expert on this. I have opened it approximately 42 times and raised my electric bill another $100 to learn this. No food regenerates in the fridge when you close it. But Google still can't tell me there is nothing in there, I have to get up and look those 42 times.

6) Google can't tell me why our goats like to do this:

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7) Or why our horses do this:

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8) Google also can't tell me why quail cross the road. In our area, chickens don't cross the road, quail do.

The reason that Google can't tell me these things is because Google can't really tell anyone anything. Google runs off the information others posted. It merely helps us find it. Alas, it still can't help me find my keys but I will still want to ask it to do so.

Googled out,

FFR